Soul Seer

Be Brave...Run your own race.


My first female "shunning" happened at the age of 5. I was in kindergarten and it broke my heart. God was kind to me and that little girl eventually moved away and those memories began to fade. I'd like to say it was the only time I had females treat me like an outcast, but in fact, I would go on to experience this several more times. I became so insecure in female friendships, never knowing when I'd be "turned on", that I subconsciously decided to avoid letting anyone get too close.

In high school I realized I could have a few female friends, but it was far easier to be platonic friends with males. I never understood female comparison, jealousy and competition. I felt my whole life I was completely surrounded with females who were very pretty, very smart, and seemed to excel at everything they did and if I shared with you photos and resumes of my youth peers you would also agree; Highly successful and beautiful ladies. I was ok with that. I felt elated for them.  I don't really struggle with jealousy so it's hard for me to understand it. It all seemed so dramatic and a foolish waste of energy to me.

It became easier to have guy friends. I don't mean boyfriends, by the way, but I always had a boyfriend, too. I actually feel that on many levels I relate to men better than women. I have all the emotion and passion and intuition of the female heart, but I also have a stoicism that helps me not be lead by feelings and am governed by discretion. I know it's no coincidence that my large family is almost entirely male. God knows how to protect my heart. He also gave me the most incredible daughter who doesn't do drama either. I adore her!

Today I stand healed and no longer afraid of female friendships, but I could just as easily hang out with a crowd of guys as I could a crowd of women.

I just love people.

It may seem odd, but when I look at people, experience people, I am having an encounter with their heart. I don't particularly focus on gender, color or socioeconomic status (poverty or wealth).

I see souls.

This is a difficult concept for most because most people don't view people that way. Most rely on the naked eye and external appearances or presumptions. But I know God sees everyone by the heart and soul. I know God has given me His heart for souls.

Since my youth He has healed the sting of bazaar female behaviors and I can look back and appreciate what I learned from all of that. I understand that hurting people hurt people and that many women are extremely insecure. This breaks my heart.

I can live on and be kind to others regardless of how I am feeling they treat me or behave toward me. I count it as joy actually because I love how God used it all to lead me to higher ground. I'm not saying I enjoy being shunned--of course I don't, no one does. But I have learned to see life through the eyes of the wounded and rejected and I have a deep desire to make all people feel loved and accepted. I know this is the good God gained to me for enduring a lifetime of rejection, comparison and vainity.

Here is what's really cool, many women now open their hearts to me. It's a sad reality that many women only keep others at arms length. I understand their heart because that used to be me. You can't effectively love people unless you are willing to get involved in their life. You can't possibly get to know someone until you speak to them and get to know them.

I want all women to know how beautiful and loved they are by the King of all kings.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this post other than God has been churning my soul to write it since maybe mid October. I pray He leads just the right eyes across the page and it ministers to your soul and Hope that will make you glow.

God's got friendship for you. He doesn't focus on your skin color, your shape, your size, your gender but he knows the color of your eyes because they are the apple of his. He thinks of you and begins to grin. He is heart and soul captivated by your heart and soul. He loves you more than you know and he will never reject you. You can let him in...He wants to sink in deep and comfort you while you sleep.

He's a good, kind and gentle God.

Lay your every trouble at His feet.
He wants to lift you higher. -Nicole