Well…I guess that’s it. It is time.
I knew it was coming…
I saw the signs.
I began to mentally prepare and then physically prepare…
I knew it was coming.
I guess I had just hoped it wasn’t so soon. I like it here. This is my home. I’ve lived here a long time and it is cozy and familiar. This house has given me everything I could ask for, everything that could make me content. I’ve been content, so very content, here. I know that it’s time to go. I don’t really have a choice anymore…what is done is done. I must look to the future to better things. I have a pretty clear vision and path charted out for where I am going. The house is bigger, the view is brighter, and the prominence of the change is much more tantalizing I suppose…but it’s not home, yet.
It is funny how we can have apprehension even when we clearly see a greater blessing on the horizon. We feel anticipation for the newness, the freshness, the awareness of change that excites. Even though I am one who likes structure and order, I guess I also like adventure and to take the risk. Everything in my head says, “No! Don’t do it, don’t take the risk! Risk is scary and full of un-certainty.” All of these thoughts are true. Still, down deep, away from my head, but in my heart, is yet another voice whispering my name. It beckons unto me and bellows to me, beneath my breath, between my intellect and my fears…
“Do it! Take the risk. Step out…everything is going to be all right. No, more than all right. Everything will be better!”
A wise man once told me, “For things to change, I had to change. Otherwise, everything will always be the way it’s always been.”
I will never forget those words. They pierced me, stirred within me, changed me. Sometimes change comes because we are sick and tired of being just that…sick and tired. Sometimes change comes out of a hope for something better. Many times change comes by force as circumstances change our path unexpectedly. But still…change.
I’ve been through a lot the past several years. Those of you who know me may be thinking, “Oh, she is talking about this.” Others may think, “She is speaking of that.” I tell you it is none of the above. I tell you it is all of the above. I have walked through a vast wilderness that left me feeling more alone than I have ever felt in my life. The thing about being alone is the time with God is incredible. It makes perfect sense how the Disciple John could have written from the Island of Patmos, books of the Bible. He was alone….alone with God.
I knew it was coming. I had been prepared. I didn’t know exactly how the change would look, but I knew it had purpose. In these moments I feel God’s favor even stronger than usual. How He gently leads, directs and speaks to me. I love how He does this for me. He protects me so when the change comes, I am not totally blindsided, even if I am alarmed.
I am ready now. The taste in my mouth is bitter sweet. I will miss this place, this home, that for so many years I have known. I cannot deny that within it’s walls I have grown. No more time here alone. I’m moving out.
Goodbye Comfort Zone…I am no longer calling you “home”.
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.”
~Neale Donald Walsch