04
January
Delivered
I have five children, but was only able to deliver the first one naturally. My second child I was enduced having not gone into labor on my own so a petosin drip line was given to me and then the doctor said, “let’s wait and see”.
Many hours later I should have been ready to deliver, all the signs lined up and I was “ready”. But something wasn’t right.
My son had trouble getting in the correct position to deliver the entire pregnancy. At one point during the last trimester of my pregnancy with him he got stuck in my hips. Cranium in one girdle and tailbone in the other. Once a babe gets in this position they get stuck and a technique called Aversion is usually used (and very painful, the doctor basically leans on you with their whole body and hands and kneads your belly like pizza dough. You have to sign all kinds of waiver papers before the doctor performa the procedure).
We prayed and prayed and the day for the procedure the sonogram showed he had miraculously moved during the night. My doctor, in fact, testified it was a miracle and that she had only seen this condition so rare in a textbook. Never had a patient with the condition.
Prayer works.
But on Labor Day he just wouldn’t come out so an emergency cesarean was required.
After delivery my doctor told me that once she saw my insides it was also a miracle I was able to naturally deliver my oldest. Apparently my hips are so narrow and a baby’s head too big to fit. I was sad to have my belly sliced, but rejoices for the gift of technology that saved my child’s life!
I’ve had many children, I’ve been blessed with a full quiver. I don’t know how this tiny body did it, but it happened.
I think without the Lord I would have not had so many children. I would’ve been too afraid to parent. I like things quiet and orderly. I’d worry too much.
I knew I’d have children always, but maybe only one?
I was always leery of both marriage and children. But at the time I didn’t know I was. I just thought I was different from girls I knew. They talked about those things a lot. I never talked about them. I knew I’d get married. I knew I’d have kids, but I wasn’t in a hurry. It wasn’t my focus. So when I married before my best friend she just looked at me and said, “your kidding”. She was happy for me, just surprised because she knew me. I didn’t want to marry until I was at least 30. I wanted to finish graduate school and begin planting roots for my career. I don’t think I’m overly business ambitious. I just wasn’t in a hurry.
Doesn’t God know us better than anyone? He knew my heart. He knew I was ambilivent toward both these things, marriage and children, and He knew why. So He took his time. He touched my soul. He mended my broken places. He softened the callousy regions of my heart and maybe even some hard edges.
He smoothed me as He soothed me.
I think I spent most of my young life “indifferent”. Got along with everyone, liked people, but could take or leave probably most anyone. That sounds crass. But when I look back now I realize it’s true. And as God healed me He expanded my capacity to receive and I began to see with new eyes...there’s a lot of others in the world that do this too.
The human heart has an incredible way of protecting itself. Emotions can inflict just as much anguish as physical trauma. So the mind subconsciously sears the heart disconnecting it from the mind. Compassion dulls. Empathy diminishes. Relationships contain less depth than in societies past. An entire society, country, of wounded, hurting and aloof people. I’m afraid this is what America has overall become.
God sees your insides just like my physician literally saw mine.
What is your life destined to birth? Are there things I have said that you relate too a bit or maybe the Holy Spirit is convicting you with it? Embrace it. God is seeking to deliver your heart and spirit from things that subconsciously hold you back from your full inheritance.
God designed you and formed you in your Mother’s womb. He hand picked your family, good experience or bad experience, it’s true. You needed the special DNA they gave to you, your ancestors, too. God looks at your life and sees an entire road map with all the peeks and valleys, bumps and obstacles. He is using and navigating you through it all. Release control to the One who controls it all. Ask Him to waken your heart and mind to the things He wants to put inside you. You’ve got a calling. Big or small God needs it all. He needs us all. And He longs to see you happy.
Let this be a day He births something big, bright and beautiful in you.
You life is beautiful.
You matter.
You make an impactful difference every day.
You are loved.
You are noticed.
Others see the goodness of your heart.
You were made to go the extra mile and God has others who will go with you, too.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
Go with God. Make something BIG!
Nicole🍓
In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, Lord,
make me dwell in safety.
for you alone, Lord,
make me dwell in safety.
(Psalm 4:8)
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